I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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