I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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