whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
