I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
