when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
