Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
