Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
