Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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