I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're a waste of cheezeits
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
