I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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