cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
