Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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