Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
