ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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