i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
