And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
