I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
