i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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