she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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