The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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