Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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