I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How's work?
Spinning.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
