Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
