To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize