I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
