do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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