I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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