i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
