Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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