my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize