I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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