Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think i have two assholes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
