Small penises have feelings too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
