first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
