how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
