They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
