hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize