sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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