new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
