I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
