The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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