Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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