I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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