I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i drank out of a bidet.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
