She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
