he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
