I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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