Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
