If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
