Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
