Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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