it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your penis caused this!
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