is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
