i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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