and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
