remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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