You can't special order awesome
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
