So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
