i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He better not be in your backpack
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
