I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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